Tan Seow Hon - ST 14 October 2006 - page S17 Review

Today, Tan Seow Hon, assistant professor at the NUS wrote an article on ST titled "True Love? look no further than friendship" is interesting. I extracted some paragraphs and placed at this blog for sharing.

"Ou downplaying of friendship in adult life is somewaht sad when, from our childhood days, we have had a tendency to veer towards a best friend. Most come to expect less of friends after disappointments and the experience of waning friendships as people go through different phrases of life.

The lack of expectations is not necessarily healthy because it may express a lack of confidence and an unwillingness to commit, in the same way we do no expect anything of an animal in the zoo"

*** So, be glad that you have friends that expect something from you. At least, we know we are not seen as an animal in the zoo."

"Still, most of us would not have difficulty describing waht we think ideal friendship consists of: Friendship involves free choice and particular persons; it involves reciprocity; the parties participate in it as an end in itself; it involves a commitment into the future; it involves a predominance of reactive rather than detached attitudes."

"If it is true that love requires self-giving, putting others above one's self and even laying down one's life for others, it is unsurprising that we who count our interests first in a postmodern world run into immense difficulties giving true love to another human being."

"At the end of the day, statistics aside, we cannot deny that our selfishness is one hindrance to finding true love. We may have all the opportunities in the world to know another person, but until we learn to prefer another, our budding relations will never fulfil their potential."

"May we remember Emerson's words, that to form friendship, one must first be a friend. To find true love, be prepared first to love."