A Choice Vs The Choice

It has been 9 days since I last blogged.

Been busy with work, the daily trips to hospital and many other things that comes along the way. Last night, I was reading the 10th circle by Jodi Picoult. Talk about reading, I start to miss my reading kakee - yew theng at KDF. Mr Ngor, if you are reading this, you must know this. I miss the sharing sessions we used to have at KDF when we talked the books we read and what lessons, opinions that we get from the books. When come to books, we have different taste, but the love for books is the same and that is what matterafterall. Now, honestly, I hardly have time to read and that explain why I am still 1/3 into 10th circle after 1.5 months. This is totally unacceptable for reader.

Well, back to 10th circle, a line in the novel popped up clearly and that is "Are you capable of loving someoe who is capable of loving another person?"

I pondered and the answer is obvious. Love is selfish in this sense. You can share many things in life, not the person you love. I remembered, one of the most hurtful incidents in my life is when I find out one of my ex-boyfriends 2-time me. The reason why it was hurtful was not because there was another person involved, rather, there was another person he loved at the same time. Ironically, when I found out about his 'affair', I was all willing to forgive and accept him back. The non-turning point ocurred when I knew he loved the other woman too because this stupid guy sent the sms to the wrong person. So, how could you continue to love someone knowing his heart contain another, no matter how small it was? I am a sharing person not when it comes to this. I am after a complete heart, partial is unacceptable. I rather do not have it. I will not want to be one of the choices people made. Because when you become a choice, you become not the only choice. I have seen people reacted negatively knowing that they are just one of the choices. They became insecure, reacting to insecurity, lost who their real identify and what made them unique in the first place and demand attention, love and time that they knew they can never have. I told myself not to and never ever go down that road. Answering the question in 10th circle, the answer then becomes a clear NO. Afterall, if you really loves someone, you will learn to let him go. If he ever comes back to you, he will be yours only and forever. If he never, he was never yours anyway.